The Elf-abet!
How many reindeer does Santa Have???
11 (named below):
Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen,
Rudoph (the one with the red nose),
Olive (Olive the other reindeer {all of}),
and Al (Then Al the reindeer loved him {all}).
What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.
What kind of bird can write?
A PENguin.
Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage?
Because it has long-distance runners on each side
Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
because every buck is dear to him.
What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
Crisp Cringle.
JUDY: What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus?
MIKE: We'll have a boo Christmas without you.
ELF NO. 1: What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?
ELF NO. 2: Okay everyone, sack time!!
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
Missletoe
Just before Christmas, there was an honest politician, a kind lawyer and Santa Claus travelling in a lift of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened they all noticed a £5 note lying on the floor. Which one picked it up??
Santa of course, the other two don't exist!
What do you call a bunch of grandmasters
of chess bragging
about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmastime?
Sandy Claus!
How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
Fleece Navidad!
If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called?
A subordinate claus.
There once was a czar in Russia whose name was Rudolph the Great. He was standing in his house one day with his wife. He looked out the window and saw something happening. He says to his wife,"Look honey. Its raining." She, being the obstinate type, responded,"I don't think so, dear. I think its snowing." But Rudolph knew better. So he says to his wife,"Let's step outside and we'll find out." Lo and behold, they step outside and discover it was in fact rain. And Rudolph turns to his wife and replies," I knew it was raining. Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"
Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer now works for Proctor and Gambel?
Its true....Comet cleans sinks!
Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?
Because the angel had said,"No L!"
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.
What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney?
Pour Santa flush on him.
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes.
Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can ho-ho-ho.
Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Ribbon hood.